Movie Review : Ghost (1990), starring Demi Moore and Johnny Castle

Before I begin this review, I feel as though I should give a little shoutout from my heart to Johnny Castle. In his black spandex, with his sensitive feelings and rockin' dance moves he's thoroughly taken a little piece of my heart.

But I just can't handle non-Johnny Castle Patrick Swayze. His power mullet makes me itch for scissors, and his tucked in burgundy blouse that he wears through the entirety of Ghost makes me itch like scabies on a Subway train, but with like, irritation and rage. And vague hunger.

I watched Ghost a few nights ago. Somewhere near the end Brad wandered in, and we placed our own sarcastic running commentary over everything. Because heartless mockery is a Sovereign's bread and butter.

Here is the synopsis, for those of you not yet blessed in witnessing Patrick Swayze's amazing acting range: Sam, who is in love with Molly, is killed one night in a botched mugging. He ignores the Brilliant Studio Light of Heaven to stay with Molly and look out for her. After discovering that his death was no accident, he has even more motivation ("What's my motivation?" you can hear Patrick asking the Director. "Well, Johnny Castle," the Director would say, "your motivation is yearning ... but also slightly hungry. Just go with that. Through the whole movie.") to warn Molly. Blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, eventually he meets Whoopi Goldberg, aka, Oda Mae Brown.

Which leads me to my next point: Most Disturbing Scene With Whoopi Goldberg Ever. I haven't been able to watch a wide breadth of Whoopi movies, thank God, but in my experience thus far this one disturbs me the most. In one scene, Whoopi feels Demi up, and that's just about as close to a Whoopi Goldberg sex scene than I'd ever like to be. She's the kind of woman where you're never quite sure what's going to be under her pants until she officially takes them off.

That said, she actually does a fairly decent job in this movie. I know it's supposed to be one of her best roles ever, but really. IT'S GHOST. She didn't have far to stretch to BE THE BEST ACTOR IN THE FILM.

I'd probably give it a 6 / 10, mostly for memories and partly because I really like that scene when Patrick learns how to do ghost tricks from the crazy actor guy who I always mentally picture as carrying a monkey for some bizarre reason. (My grammar throughout this review is knocking your socks off, I bet. I am the Queen of the Run On Sentence.)

Finally, I dare you to:

A) Sit through the clay making love scene without giggling.
B) Think of "your motivation is ... yearning" through EVERY SINGLE PATRICK SWAYZE SCENE. Look at his eyes. That man is tortured... inside. If he lived today he'd be wearing black lipstick, listening to My Chemical Romance and learning how to manipulate physical matter so he could update his livejournal from beyond the grave.

"Dear Livejournal,
Death is the same as living. Nothing has changed. My soul is a black tarpit of abysmal decadence.
I am vaguely hungry though.
Love, Patrick Swayze."

Labels: Film Geekery