"It's 11 a.m. and we've done nothing. Want to take a break?"

Laura and I had our fabulous yard sale today and it was amazing, much like David Hasselhoff, whose golden voice has set hearts afire all across Germany, except instead of wowing Europe in leather pants and singing with our eyes closed we lounged around in chairs eating cookies and raised the price of The Rankin Family's greatest hits on cd.

That's what our yard sale did. It set hearts afire all across Thunder Bay, or at least mainly the Westfort area, where people were thoroughly rocked by my cult classic film collection, Nanny's spoons complete with spoon racks, and Laura's book on Transgender Care. Not to mention Laura's stockpile of pirated computer software, which someone bought for fifty cents. SHHH. DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW.

We are the laziest yard sale girls ever. We woke up late, priced nothing and spent the day chillaxing in the chairs we were supposed to be selling because that's how we roll. We even woke up Paul at 8 in the morning and he brought his truck over to haul stuff from the storage shed, and also to drive around my mom who was practically waiting outside by the time we pulled up to the house for the first load.

"You girls are late!" she said at quarter after eight. ... Our yard sale started at 10. Apparently most people put ten billion times more preparation into these things than we do since we had been counting on going yard saling before dropping the stuff off at our table.

We sold a ton of stuff, although I can't believe some things didn't sell. Come on world. The original Little Shop of Horrors? The De-Humidifier? Our vast joint collection of romance novels? CALIFORNIA RAISINS ON RECORD?!

.... They are the California Raisins. Does no one care to walk down memory lane anymore? They were raisins and the sang. Christ, People.

Perhaps we would have made more money if people hadn't come up to us with yard sale stuff and we hadn't freaked out. "What?! What is that doing in there? I'm sorry, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BECAUSE IT'S GREAT AND I NEED IT."

At one point in particular someone brought a little fluffy bunny toy up to Laura and she practically screamed "NO!", grabbed it, and proceeded to cradle it in her arms for a good five minutes.

Someday I really want to be one of those professional yard salers. I would love to set my favourite things up in my front yard, like my Cyndi Lauper on tape and vast assortment of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and sarcastically cut down anyone who doesn't truly appreciate the awesomeness that is Kindergarten Cop, or how She-Bop is the most brilliantly upbeat song about masturbation ever. And after hearing my scathing commentary on how they could never really understand the greatness of my stuff, I will chase them off my lawn with a garden rake, possibly while quoting lines from Terminator 2.

I also met Rick, the Needle Guy who introduced Laura and I online way back in 2002. I was sitting in a green chair with unwashed hair and the same clothes from yesterday, but whatever. I see nothing wrong with wearing mostly the same clothes for 48 hours.

Sarah E and Mellers are coming over in about an hour. Kevin bought us about a million litres of alcohol (drinking hurts, drinking scars) and we will have a Sarah E Birthday To Remember, so I suppose I should bathe or something, and do the getting ready musical thing much like Elisabeth Shue in Adventures In Babysitting.

Labels: Shopping, Thrift