This is how we do it, it's Friday night.
Laura sings Montell Jordan's beloved classic "This Is How We Do It" while in rush hour traffic, "raising the roof" of her minivan with her arms and faux shooting other drivers with her makeshift pointed finger retard gun, temporarily blinding them with her own brand of South Central's musical revolution. This is how she does it.
Today her and I went to the Emerge because my dear friend, the lyrical genius, she who once broke her nose at Aquatots and does a perfect mimicry of churning butter BUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR, dropped a hammer on her toe at 4 in the morning when she WOKE FROM A SOUND SLEEP TO REORGANIZE HER JUNK DRAWER.
Her toe was purple and green, actually matching her sandles or "thongs" quite nicely. (I realize why they're called thongs, and how they are related to the other kind of thong, but is it really too much to ask for a completely new word to describe somethng you'd wear on your foot rather than in between the cheeks of your ass?)
The first doctor she saw at the Walk In was nerdy, in that creepy pants-up-to-his-elbows, popsicles-in-his-cellar kind of way, but the doctor that she saw in the Emerge was what we like to refer to as Nerd Hot, he who has both brains and beauty and knows it because he's a smug bastard who realizes he offers the entire package, even if he does live at home with his parents. These creatures are normally flirtatious and charming, even when burning a hole into toenails with a smoking ... wand. Sigh. Nerd Hot is my Ideal.
Unfortunately, my last offer came from a super tall black guy who kept asking me how long was too long in the nether regions. ("Like, if I were to say, 14 inches... would that bother you? .... what if I said 18? .... What are you wearing?") And that's not even dating. That's more like, "Keep talking, you are living blog fodder."
Today her and I went to the Emerge because my dear friend, the lyrical genius, she who once broke her nose at Aquatots and does a perfect mimicry of churning butter BUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR, dropped a hammer on her toe at 4 in the morning when she WOKE FROM A SOUND SLEEP TO REORGANIZE HER JUNK DRAWER.
Her toe was purple and green, actually matching her sandles or "thongs" quite nicely. (I realize why they're called thongs, and how they are related to the other kind of thong, but is it really too much to ask for a completely new word to describe somethng you'd wear on your foot rather than in between the cheeks of your ass?)
The first doctor she saw at the Walk In was nerdy, in that creepy pants-up-to-his-elbows, popsicles-in-his-cellar kind of way, but the doctor that she saw in the Emerge was what we like to refer to as Nerd Hot, he who has both brains and beauty and knows it because he's a smug bastard who realizes he offers the entire package, even if he does live at home with his parents. These creatures are normally flirtatious and charming, even when burning a hole into toenails with a smoking ... wand. Sigh. Nerd Hot is my Ideal.
Unfortunately, my last offer came from a super tall black guy who kept asking me how long was too long in the nether regions. ("Like, if I were to say, 14 inches... would that bother you? .... what if I said 18? .... What are you wearing?") And that's not even dating. That's more like, "Keep talking, you are living blog fodder."
posted by sarah, the pirate at 3:33 PM
Hi. My name is
Sarah 
Hey Sarah, what are
ye listening to? 
BLOG CATEGORIES
MARVELLOUS ELSEWHERE!
AND ALSO, 
SHOPPING HOTNESS
FURTHER ELSEWHERE!
I'M READING:
I'M SEEING:
BOOK CLUB!:
3 Comments:
I believe that the term "thongs" was used for sandals or "flip-flops" well before people started using the term for the "why wear anything at all?" underwear.
the dork hot creature is my weakness. they know they are charming and hot and everything that i want them to be. they make me so nervous that when they touch me, i begin to shake. i loved the part when i said something stupid and he said.."oh you don't like to be relieved of pain..?" that is the playful banter i love so much. i am awesome at playful banter but a true dork hot can have me speechless.
with the dork hot, they are so cute and charming you want to just jump them right then and there. unless they are bugging you (which is the ultimate charming feature of the dork hot) and in that case you want to take out your secret weapon pointy elbows and hurt them before jumping them. :)
unfortunately, i have a long history of falling for dork hots. the biggest curse of the dork hot is that they can stomp your heart into tiny little bits.
and "this is how we do it" is one of my favourite songs..ever.
Laura, I think their added bit of brainy dork hot intelligence aids them in truly stomping hearts to tiny bits, since they know where to aim to make it hurt the most.
I also like the portly dork hot guys.
Sigh. Whatever.
I'm going to listen to some more Monster Rock Ballads of the 80s and feel sorry for myself.
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