I'm pretty. Buy me stuff.

It's past midnight and Max is asleep and I'm drinking piles of root beer out of a fancy blue mug, listening to the Rowing Song and coming to the conclusion that Patty Griffin like, KNOWS ME, on the INSIDE, where it COUNTS. I haven't connected so much with a song since Foreigner's "I Wanna Know What Love Is".

It's also March! My birthday is in March! Many other less pleasant things occur in March, but there is one day of this month where everything is marvellous. I'm currently writing up my birthday wishlist and wondering whether or not it's appropriate to put sex toys on the list I'm writing up for my mom. Would it be awkward to receive the Jackrabbit from a parent? Likely. But I deal pretty well with acute social embarrassment. I did, after all, live through the early 90's, a time period in which I very vocally expressed my love for Dwight Yoakam. Especially when he wore the tight jeans.

But just joking. Even though I will be adding various sex toys to my birthday wishlist for the sole purpose of making my mom immensely uncomfortable I won't actually be expecting anal beads and warming gel for my birthday.

Last year on my birthday I was forcefed microwaved asparagus by crazy people, but I expect this year to be much better. Every year, no matter what's going on in my life, I wake up in the morning excited that it's my birthday. I like to pull out certain birthday related songs and sing them really loudly, like "Danke Scheon", which I enjoy singing with a faux microphone, pulling it back and forth towards my mouth while crooning like I'm doing a duet with GOULET himself. "Edge of Seventeen" which tops my list of most awesome songs ever also gets played with a little bit of Sovereign air guitar.

Granted, I'm away from some of the people I would love to be with. Mellers and I looked into meeting up, possibly with Etts when she journeys to Abbotsford in a few days, but getting off this island even one way is about 32423453 dollars over my current budget. But this is going to be my first birthday in a long time spent with my cousins Melissa and Max, so I'm excited for that. I'm going to wake them all up at 6 a.m., in my pajamas, by jumping up and down at the foot of their beds shouting about my birthday, and possibly, communists. That's right. When my birthday rolls around, it doesn't matter what number I'm turning because I AM ALWAYS SIX.

Actually, speaking of my birthday wishlist, I'm supposed to be constructing one for my mom so she can haul a suitcase of exciting off island things over here when she comes to visit me! So I've been perusing pages and this is what I've come up with so far -- in regards to a somewhat unrealistic wishlist.

1. A giant party full of all my favourite people and snack cakes. Everyone loves snack cakes. My cousin Melissa would be in charge of music, up until her seventh playing of Basement Jaxx, but even then we'd all just be "Hahah, oh Melissa." and let her play "Where's Your Head At" one more time. Melissa Scaffeo would show up with Duncan and I'd finally give Duncan those damn chocolate covered espresso beans I bought for him months ago. They've been staring me down gradually and I really have no idea if the second package is going to make it. Sarah E could cut a rug, and Kevin and I really need to challenge each other to a shot contest. Lord knows that one I challenged Melissa's father to that one year really showed off my strengths ... in passing out, covered in vomit, in random lawn chairs. I'm sure even more stories would abound! But it's ten to ten and I'm sitting here in sweatpants imagining non-existent events featuring my friends so, it's probably time to move on.

2. I share my birthday with my cousin Keri, so I hope she has an awesome day. One of these days Keri and I will have a joint birthday party where we will invite the world and even Jesus if he's like, available. He's pretty busy.

3. Ever since seeing Mirrormask I've been wishing desperately for a pair of slippers with bunny ears. I would wear them everywhere. Even to court.

4. I have gone through life without ever having an Ani DiFranco cd and it's pretty much time to rectify that. My first Ani DiFranco song ever was Origami which was on a mixed cd someone sent me in the mail. I like doing hand actions to that one, because I'm an all powerful Amazon warrior ... not just some snivelling girl.

5. Because I'm lazy, anything from my Amazon Wishlist.

6. Some new lenses! A new 300mm lens, or a 50mm Prime Lens, as recommended by Josh. And some polaroid cameras! I already have a Joycam. I covered it in Unicorn stickers because it seemed right.

7. A bunk bed. I am totally going to make the bottom bunk into a fort! Full of comics and lists of boys I like! Oh. Wait. Nevermind. I have a King Sized Bed that I can roll over in four or more times without getting to the edge of. ... Then again, I do have some unused space in the corner.. Unused space perfect for BUNK BED FORTS.

8. Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Lunchbox so I can be like that kid in The Wizard. I would fill it with photographs and memorabilia of my dead twin and then leave in a giant dinosaur in California. IT WILL BE SO AWESOME.

9. A set of faery wings. So I can wear them to the grocery store.

10. New stationery! I have letters to send! I am a big fan of sarcastic, different sorts of stationery. I love the stuff over at Mikwright Cards because sarcasm is my natural thought process, as well as anything featuring Emily the Strange or snuggling puppies.

11. Blackbird Pillow. If I had just three or four more pillows I'm pretty sure I'd just never get out of bed.

12. I like to collect elephants and owls because, at heart, I am an 85 year old woman who dedicates entire rooms to her knick knacks and spends her spare time creating miniature Christmas villages with cotton ball snow. I left the majority of my collection back in Chilliwack, and I hope they're all facing northeast lest I have to horrifically cripple someone's legs.

13. I love vintage tins. I fill them with lots of different things like money (when I have it), agates, photographs and broken dreams. Or wait, no, not broken dreams. Broken dreams are housed in the bottom of whisky bottles and the backseats of really sporty Mustangs.

14. I also really, really want an elliptical. I'd put it outside, like, in the front yard, and yell out random things to neighbours or people jogging by. "Wow," I'd say, "the scenery is just flying past! Oops, time to climb a mountain! See you at the top, Captain Picard!" and then I'd like, flip off it in a perfect 10 and take my pills.

Labels: Shopping